Finding Comfort in Past Turmoil

When I redeployed from my first tour in Iraq in late December of 2005, I had a lot of mixed feelings about what I had been through.  To be completely honest, I was mad at God for allowing some of the things that I witnessed to even happen.  God had blessed me with a beautiful wife and child, but I felt cursed from the things in Iraq that I retained in my head.  When Leigh, Meg, and I went to Monterey, CA for grad school, it was a much needed break from another deployment and we were truly blessed to be given the opportunity.  However, among other things, I remember that I still couldn't stand to be around loud noises and especially fireworks.  On the 4th of July, I would listen to my mp3 player late into the night to drown out anything that resembled gunfire or small explosions.  Additionally, I was still very pessimistic about God's will and how some scenes of death were able to fit in his plan.  A couple months after the NPS academic year started, I was invited to a men's Bible study led by Bob Reehm, a man in the Navigators who dedicated his life to bringing people to Christ and also helping fellow believers to regain their focus.  Eventually, I was able to discuss my inner turmoil with Bob and he recommended that I write down all the close calls I had in Iraq and to use them as a testimony of how God was watching over me.  The macho side of me kept saying that thousands of Soldiers had gone through tougher situations so I was not going to feel sorry for myself.  I know for a fact that I was one of the guys on PB Uvanni in Samarra that had it easier than most.  Infantry platoons went out on combat patrols everyday for up to 12 hours a day while I would join them for a portion of that time based on my own tasks...so who was I to have pity on myself?!  However, Bob finally convinced me to type up some of the past events on my computer.  To my surprise, the venting helped a little bit and, through God's grace, I began to cope with the situation.  
Fast forward almost six years and I found that document in my external hard drive while on my third deployment.  Based on the timing, it was a sense of comfort that came over me as I was reminded of how God had protected me in the past and I believe he will this time as well.  I came to terms with death a while ago when I was finally able to place my complete faith in God and his will for me.  Now I only fear death for those around me who do not know Christ.
My next three blog posts will include some of the stories that Bob convinced me to write about, but I will not post the blog to facebook afterward.  This is not something that really applies to the hundreds of facebook friends that I have only seen in the fickle online world, but mainly for those who know how my life has changed for the better ever since I truly placed my faith in God.  The future is as bright as ever!